What would you do?

Hi ladies, I’ve commented here and asked questions before, but I could use some advice. My daughter 11, has always struggled in school. Not necessarily with the work, although she has some problem areas, but with friends, self esteem, and how to talk with others. As a 5th grader, she has never made close friends, and these are the same girls since preschool . She has one “friend” in particular, but she will dump my daughter as soon as somebody else comes around. I know it can be typical girl stuff, but I actually had to delete my daughters facebook because of their bickering. She started the year off crying every morning, belly aches but now seems to be better…I had decided to homeschool through middle school but now just dont know. She acts like her days are going well, but when I mention going to school next year she gets anxious. When i ask why she doesnt want to go…“I just dont want to. " Well, I didnt either at her age. She is my only daughter of four boys and is very spoiled to me so I worry if homeschooling will make it worse. My sister works at the school and teachers have commented to her of how “petted” she is and how they worry over Hannah. To me its more than that and I hope to get her some counseling to help with her esteem. Anyway, I hsve no one else to ask for advice and my husbands opinion to everything is " whatever you think”. I dont want to complicate matters by keeping her home but I also am afraid of missing the opportunity of her making new friends at a new school next year…

If she has not made friends with the same girls for 7 years, I do not see why she would start doing so next year. I would highly recommend finding a counselor you can trust and ask what he/she recommends about the “petted” issue as well as what could be worked on for making and keeping friends.
Are there any other homeschoolers in your area who she could be friends with? I would think a nurturing older girl who could mention in a positive way how to behave around peers could be helpful. Someone who is mature enough to say “Girl, when situations like this arise, you need to let others disagree and not interfere” or "Girl, you cannot run to your mom because your feelings are hurt, please let the other person know and try to resolve with them first."
Since I do not know why teachers are concerned about her neediness or why she does not have any friends, it is hard to make a better recommendation than “find a good counselor who can help you pinpoint what is going on.”

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Yes, she is seen by a counselor who comes into the school. However, she has only seen my daughter two or three times and hasn’t helped. She is strongly against homeschool though.

When I was in school I was severely bullied and I had extremely low self-esteem. I would cry every morning and had horrible stomach aches. I would sneak down to the library at lunch time and call home and beg my mom to come and get me. I wanted to be homeschooled so very much, or at least change schools, but my parents wouldn’t do it. Middle school our entire basin joined together so I was able to make some new friends - and high school was better. I stuck it out, and it turned out OK, but that doesn’t mean I recommend doing it that way! It was a horrible experience!

I guess, what I am trying to say is that I understand what your daughter is going through. If she hasn’t made friends with the kids at her school yet, and there are going to be no changes to who is going to the school, she probably isn’t going to make any friends. If she has low self esteem she might be bullied? Even if she isn’t - it seems to me that something isn’t going right at the school, and if she is happy and home, and learning - then I would let her stay at home and keep on learning.

If you are worried about about her having friends I agree with @dragonflyer - you could find a homeschooling co-op where she would be around kids maybe more like her. Or find an older person to help mentor her.

It’s just my opinion - but I wouldn’t push her into going back into a public school system. If she is happy and learning at home, I think it would be OK to let her stay at home. That is what I would do. I think it turned out OK for me, I eventually made friends and enjoyed school - but I would have much rather been at home learning!

I hope that helps! - Let us know how things go - will be thinking of you.


I agree with @sgrrrbear and would probably bring her home to learn. It sounds like she’s been left out of this group for her whole school career so far, and honestly it would be exhausting to try and keep fitting in to a group where you were constantly rejected.

I have a close friend and our daughter’s just don’t mesh. And you know what? It’s totally fine. There are plenty of other opportunities for your daughter to meet friends an get involved in things. Think how much her attitude would change if she were to be doing things that she actually enjoyed and not having to deal with bullying.

I know getting started can be overwhelming! I wrote a book called Homeschooling 101 that will help answer all of your questions on how to get started homeschooling, choosing curriculum, creating lesson plans, etc.

And I have a getting started series that might help as well:

It sounds like her anxiety about school is definitely a serious issue, and she’s really depending on you to help her. She can successfully do an at home education and there are a ton of extra curricular activities available to homeschooling families as well. Including co-ops, sports, music, etc. where she can meet friends, get support, and enjoy school.

Try not to let other people’s opinions influence your decisions. You have to make the best choices for your family and your children’s needs. There will be opposition to homeschooling just because it’s an out of the box concept, though it’s really becoming more popular of a choice.

I’m really sorry she’s going through this, and I will pray for your families decisions.


Wow–this sounds so much like my daughter, now 16. When she was young we felt like she was evaporating in the school environment. She, also, seemed “spoiled”, “shy”, “coddled”, “insecure”, “fearful”, etc. It turns out she just needed more time to develop and mature–with positive role models. She would do okay at school but then come home and fall apart: tears, discouragement. etc. Thus, we began homeschooling. It was the best decision we made. (She had begged us since kindergarten, but I had a full time job and it ‘seemed’ impossible, at the time. If I had it to do over again, I would have immediately brought her home.

It has been so worth it! Within a year, we were getting comments from relatives, neighbors, church friends of how she was blossoming! Now, she is such a mature and kind Christian young lady with many healthy friendships–but she also knows when to say “enough” to an unhealthy one. God has done a miracle!

I tend to be of the opinion that if a child is asking to be homeschooled there is probably a very good reason, often one they can not fully express.

Anyway, I suggest pray and go with how God leads your conscience.
Blessings on your path!


God leads us so much through prayer–it is amazing…

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I’m thinking that you probably should consider homeschooling her even against her wishes. I see two things here. One, she is 11 and most likely does not know the “unknown”, which in this case it is homeschooling. It sounds strange to her, her “friends” probably would make fun of her, etc. Two, you are the mother and makes those decisions, for her best.
When I was about 10 or maybe 12, my father had suggested us going to live in the country and I was totakly against it, claiming that it would be too far from everything and everyone. I didn’t have great friends, or a great house in the city, but I thought it would be horrible anyway. Well, we did not move, probably because my mother was against the idea as well, but today I live in the country, love the country life, and would not dream of living someplace else. I only imagine how much better life could have been had we moved then. Many bad things happened as the years unrolled, I had to go through heartaches in school because of other girls, and it simply destroyed me at the end of those school years. Also my parents had some problems that I could not see then, so I just imagine living a simpler, better life back then would have been great.
So, anyway, I consider what’s best for my children and don’t let them make decisions especially of those things that are simply “unknown” to them.
My daughter used to be seen as shy by some in the past, byut she has totally grown out if that phase, slowly making friends in our homeschooling community, and just really becoming confident in who she is. I think that having been homeschooled has played a big role on that. Especially for girls :slight_smile:


Thanks everyone! I think for now, we will homeschool 6th grade, get her some counseling, try to find a co op and see how she does. Parenting…you always wonder if you are doing the right thing by your children in the moment.