Need advice ASAP

We made the decision to homeschool next year. Our son will be entering 2nd grade. We decided to do this because he is not challenged in school, little to no opportunities for advanced work because of the small community we live in.
We have been in contact with our sons teacher all year about sons needs! It’s gotten to the point where he doesn’t enjoy going to school anymore because it’s too easy for him… Two weeks ago I contacted his teacher again and told him of the frustrations we were having in the morning of getting him ready for school and him not wanting to go. He said he would sit down with our son and come up with a plan… Two weeks passed and he never sat down with him until yesterday. We had already decided it was in the best interest of our family and especially our son to homeschool.
That’s the short back story…
Yesterday, son and I were having our daily “how was your day” chat, and he brought up the point the his teacher finally talked to him. I asked him about the conversation and all he would say was “Mr… Said it was just between me and him”. I asked him if he mentioned that he was homeschooling next year and he said yes. But he was really closed off… Later when it was just he and I, I brought it back up and asked if Mr… Meant he didn’t need to share their conversation with his classmates, and son said "No, he said not to share it with my parents!"
Husband and I finally got him to open up to us, explaining that we are his parents and if anyone tells him not to share something with his parents, he still needs too! So, basically, his teacher told him that we (husband and I) are making a huge mistake by homeschooling him and he would not learn nearly enough from us doing it. That part is not what bothered me, I expected that. It was the fact that he told him that and not us, and told him not to share it with his parents…
So, the mama bear in me wants to pull him out of school now and start homeschool now rather than next year. If I do that, do I withdraw him and submit a notice of intent to homeschool?
The other side is saying to go out quietly at the end of the year?

Sorry this got to long winded, but I’m so frustrated, have no friends or family that homeschool to ask.


Wow, I am so sorry for this experience for you! That must be awful as a parent to know that your son has experienced this and you are hearing about it through him after the fact. I feel frustration for you! I wish I could offer advice of pulling out mid-year, but we have not had to do that, so I don’t know where the lines fall legally in that regard and it may differ state to state. My first response when I read this was that if your reaction is toward the school system/teacher and not solely in regards to harm toward your child, then let him finish the year. But the more I thought through that, the more I think that if these are messages your child is receiving (i.e. “don’t tell your parents this” or “this will be bad for you if your parents do this” etc.) then that is harmful to your child emotionally, and as a parent I would absolutely remove my child regardless of being so close to the end of the year. I get the “mama bear” instinct! I hope someone on this site will respond who has needed to pull their child out mid-year with advice on doing so–I just have no experience with that. Again though, I’m so sorry you’re going through this! It’s obvious through your post how much you care about your child, his education and his influences. I hope you will find a resolution soon so your whole family will find some peace in this matter.


That is so horrible - and that teacher completely overstepped his boundaries. I also do not have experience pulling out kids from a public school mid-year - but wanted to offer my support to you.

I think if it has gotten that bad - I would pull my son out. I know in the state we live in we just have to send a letter to the school withdrawing your student - and also send a letter of intent to the district stating you are homeschooling - and list the subjects you are going to cover.

I’m so sorry you have had to deal with all this - it isn’t going to hurt your son to be learning at home - you will have the freedom to find what he needs. He is going to learn so much! Whatever you decide to do - you have all of us on this site to support you. I hope things start getting better soon. Best wishes to you and your family~


OH! I totally know what you are going through! That is the reason we pulled our son out of public school! We also had the experience of him complaining about going to school because he was bored and was constantly in trouble (our son is AGATE, but also has extreme ADHD, so he’s get done early, be bored, and start causing distractions). When he came to me and told me that he hated school (he was in the first grade at the time), I knew it was time to pull him out. When we told his first grade teacher, her reaction was very much the same as the one that you received…until she found out that I am a certified teacher and then her attitude changed. That bothered me a little because, regardless of whether or not I have classroom experience and a state license, my son is mine and I know how to educate him. Period.
That fact that this Mr. Whats-His-Name asked your son to keep a secret from you is NOT OK. I, as a fellow momma bear, say that you should email the principal of the school and let her know what is happening. I would also check with your state and/or district requirements are on homeschooling and notification of intent and start that process ASAP. Then I’d yank your son out of that school and begin homeschooling mid-summer (that way you have time to prep and plan). I’ve never been one to go quietly…


More to add, husband drove son to school this morning. Son brought up that his teacher told him that he was being selfish by wanting to homeschool. This now has the fire under my bum burning hotter!
We are contacting the principal and teacher this afternoon and requesting a meeting.
Thank you all for your kind words, support and encouragement! I am so glad that I found this community.


I’m so sorry that you had that experience. It’s really unfortunate that his teacher feels it appropriate to express his opinions in that way as well and would make me question what else he’s sharing in his class.

I think my first step would be to address the teacher directly. I would also schedule the meeting with the principal so that you can voice your concerns with him/her as well and have a civilized conversation. I would be very clear that you are entitled to make the best educational choices for your family and you would appreciate it if he would not discuss his opinions with your son. If he would like to set a meeting with you that would be different, but addressing your son and asking him not to talk to his parents is inappropriate.

The decision to homeschool is a personal one for each family. And everyone needs to decide what is best for their children and their family’s needs.

I’m not sure if it’s end of year for you, or if you’re on a track system and it’s technically mid-year. If it’s mid-year I would probably pull him out now and finish up the year at home. If it’s end of year, I might leave him in to finish AFTER talking with the teacher and principal in question.

I do have a post on pulling your child out mid-year if it helps:

As far as sending in a Notification of Intent to Homeschool, you’ll want to check the requirements in your state. In CO we have to submit our Notice of Intent to homeschool 14 days prior to our start date, but every state has different rules.

I have printable Notice of Intent form here you can use, and you just have to mail it in to your local school district:

I know getting started can be overwhelming! I wrote a book called Homeschooling 101 that will help answer all of your questions on how to get started homeschooling, choosing curriculum, creating lesson plans, etc.

And I have a getting started series that might help as well:

Here is a list of reasons why we homeschool that you might find helpful:

I also posted a few things that hopefully will help you with any reservations:

I hope that helps, feel free to ask if you have any other questions, and I will be praying for your family in this situation.


I pulled my son mid year last year in the end of January. Our school district had to give a decision after we submitted our intent to homeschool within 2 weeks so we just decided to leave him in school until we received the letter. Our son adjusted just fine and we kept him on track with schooling. We skipped what he knew and just did portions of the books that he had not learned yet. I would definitely talk with the school…maybe even the school board about the teachers conduct. No teacher should ever be telling your child or anyone else’s to NOT tell their parents something. I would be suspect about him…it just isn’t right that an adult would do that. And a lot of other children’s parents aren’t hugely involved in classroom goings one so who knows what he has said to other children that he might have told them not to say anything to their parents. Regardless if the teacher agrees with you or not…nothing should have been said to your child about your “bad decision”… which influences your child. The concerns should have been said to you and you only. I definitely would not let this go unnoticed in the school.


Also wanted to add that in Ohio if you get on the state Dept of education website you will find the info needed to withdraw you son. It is pretty simple…just a letter of intent and a list of curriculum you will be using to teach…also sign that you are a h.s. grad. I hope this helps you aand I hope you don’t get discouraged by the school if you really want to homeschool. Good luck to you and God bless.


So sorry to hear about your family’s problems. No teacher has the right to tell a child not to trust his parents. Whether you choose to withdraw mid-year or not, I am sure he will be receiving a better education than this teacher has provided.
Once again, please look at HSLDA and your state’s homeschooling laws to understand how to withdraw your kid mid-year.

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Whoa! If it were me I would pull him out now. Especially if he doesn’t want to go. Why keep making him? Each state has different guidelines so you would have to research what to do. But I would totally pull him out ASAP. That is a crazy story.

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I completely agree with @erica. If it were me, I would call the principle immediately and schedule a meeting with the principle and the teacher. The teacher may deny that he even said what he did with your son, but you will send a clear message that this behavior of the teachers will not be tolerated. Just be sure not to say anything in anger and keep your cool! (My big fault is my temper! Just reading your post made me upset for you!)

Pull your child out today. Every day he goes to school it is telling your son that what his teacher said is correct. I would explain the situation to the principal so they can handle the problem with the teacher. I wouldn’t say anything else to the teacher or schedule a meeting. Just go in and let them know you are pulling your child out. Just be sure to research your state laws and make sure you follow them. You can do this!

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I would definitely let the principal know about the situation. No adult should ever have a “don’t tell your parents” kind of relationship with your children. That is just not acceptable.


Wow! Thank you all for your awesome advice! We are having a sit down meeting with both the teacher and principal tomorrow morning.

My son has been absolutely amazing, sometimes I can’t believe he is only 7. I asked him how is day was yesterday and if there were anymore conversations. He said his teacher was grilling him more about homeschooling, wanting to know if it was something we were just thinking about, or if it was a definite. Son told him it was a definite and he wanted to just enjoy his last weeks of school!

I’ll update tomorrow after the meeting.


I hope your meeting goes well. Your son’s teacher was absolutely acting inappropriately by telling him not to talk about their conversation with his parents, and also by shooting down your choice. Unbelievable. My initial thought was that the end of the school year is close, I might consider finishing–but this behavior would sure tip the scales for me into thinking it’s worth it to pull him now. Absolutely unacceptable.

It wouldn’t surprise me though, if the teacher says your son misunderstood and never said not to discuss it. I wouldn’t argue with him if he does–you’ll have made your point by protesting that already–but neither would I believe the teacher at this point. Enough other detrimental things were said.

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Please consider removing your child from public school as soon as you legally can by strictly abiding by your state’s homeschooling laws. Also, immediately become a member of HSLDA as well as your state homeschooling association.
HSLDA has many resources on their website, from notice of intent to homeschool forms to the requirements to homeschool for each state. And from personal experience, their staff and attorneys are excellent help if it comes to that.
The part of this journey that may take the most time is working through the messages and attitudes that your son has received from this first grade teacher. All this must be hard for your son - a first grader should not be asked, nor should any minor aged student, for that matter, be asked to keep secrets from his mom and dad. I hope you all can make it a learning experience about education, character and who a person can/should/does know they can trust - the good in folks, the bias in folks.
Good luck next year - I think you all will enjoy homeschooling very much.

I just pulled my 5th grade son out of school the week right before Spring break! Along with my Kindergarten princess :slight_smile: He’s been struggling to “catch up” ever since 1st grade! Right now we’re just doing workbooks and finding our groove, testing out what works, what doesn’t. I was very worried about pulling him out, especially being just a few months away from finishing school & testing!! But, I’d been praying, reading books on homeschooling, talked to other homeschool moms and it all helped confirm my decision! My only regret…not doing it sooner! My kids LOVE being home!! Because they know I love them more than any teacher in the district ever could!! They feel safe, accepted, wanted, happy!! I find it such a blessing from God when a parent (a genuinely loving parent) is able to homeschool their child(ren) and does it!! Talk about being selfless!! :slight_smile: Every mama bear knows deep down in their heart what is good & not good for their cubs :slight_smile: Regardless of what others around you or even the world is screaming at you…tune it out & go with your mama gut instinct :slight_smile: Praying for you & your family…


Our meeting went well, husband and I were equipped with all of the awesome advice from you here. Once again, thank you!

We talked about our struggles at home with getting him excited to go to school, and asked them what THEY would do for us and our son to that he’s challenged. His teacher told us what he “could” do for him, and we questioned why he hasn’t done that leading up to this point when we have been voicing our concerns since fall conference time.
We then brought up the fact that son wants to homeschool next year, and that we are “considering” it (even though we have already decided). We just wanted to get a feel for what their response would be. The principal was actually very supportive, she said that she would be there to help us get the correct forms and help us along the way. She did bring up the “socialization” card. We expected that and are not concerned! My son is very well socialized and has many opportunities for socialization!
Then our 3rd point was the conversation that was had between teacher and son… We said our point, and of course he denied it and tried to play it out that he must have blended different conversations together from the day. When we brought up the fact that he said son would be acting selfishly if he wanted to homeschool, he said they were talking about selfish things in a group conversation, but couldn’t remember and stumbled to figure out what he was teaching.
We stopped it there, and now the principal knows, and the teacher knows that we feel his actions were inappropriate.
We are going to finish out the school year, as son does not want to miss out on some of the things that happen in these last weeks; track n field, music concert, etc.
We are super excited to get started in the fall!


So glad to hear that your meetings went well and that you have a plan for next year! I wish you guys a very wonderful and productive school year. Best wishes on your HS journey!!

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