Any tips, ideas, thoughts for plodding onward in a season of grief would be appreciated.
My husband died on February 16th, suddenly, here at home in the middle of our homeschool day. He taught half the subjects and I taught half each day for our 2nd and 3rd grade boys.
We are beginning to get back, ever so slowly, into our lessons - most days it is one assignment in one book.
We are definitely doing more “life” and “daily living” lessons at the moment.
Several field trips - and there has been learning with each - to governmental offices and financial institutions. Folks around here are really great when they know you homeschool to make it a learning
about the reasons and purposes of the trip.
I really don’t have any great advice other than just take it one day at a time and love on your boys as much as you can. Before you know it, you will be back to a normal (as can be) school day.
On a side note, I just want to say I’m so sorry about the unimaginable grief y’all are going through. I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling. Just know, that we are here for you and God is with you all the time. Please let us know if you need anything.
Hi Kris,
I just want to echo what @csuttermedic has already said in that I am so sorry for your grief and loss. I am sure so many of us have read your post and hesitated to write a response because we just don’t know what to say and can’t imagine that we have any advice to give that would be of any help (at least I feel that way). As far as my own advice, I am sure I am lacking. I am sure waking each day and continuing in somewhat of a routine right now is as much as you or anyone can really expect of yourself and your boys. And I’m sure you already know that. I know you are being so gracious with your boys as they experience emotions and probably the lack thereof some days. Be gracious with yourself too. If there are days when it seems impossible, just sit. Maybe read. And the next day, if it seems impossible, sit again. Read some more. Let it be enough. For you and for them. The time for more defined subject-by-subject learning will return at some point, but let that point be hazy for as long as it needs to be. It will clarify itself in time. The only other idea I had was nature study. We are just beginning to embark on this journey but spending time outdoors, getting quiet, listening and observing and even doing sketching as the seasons start to change right now might be something you could do. There are several good sites for assistance with this. The Handbook of Nature Study has a Web site with guided ideas and you can create your own nature journals. I hope you know that so many of us are thinking of you and hurting with you and lifting you in our thoughts and our prayers. I just wanted to say that even though I don’t have much advice per se.
Lots of love and prayers dear sister,
Chris
I’m so sorry. I don’t know if I have any helpful advice but I can’t image, my husband also does half our homeschooling. But you and your family will be in my prayers ️.
Kris,
My prayers go out for you & your boys.
Like the other ladies commented take it one day at a time. Most of all I would say pray & ask God to direct your day when you get up each morning. Sometimes real life learning is the best education of all.
Just remember this verse,
Philippians 4:13
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Praying you find comfort & strength to carry on,
Jenny
I’m so sorry. I think you are doing the exact right things–loving on them, doing more life and daily living lessons. Get outside some each day that you can–nature can be very healing. My father died when I was 8, and I remember lots of walks outside. Laugh together and cry together. Maybe occasionally they’d like to draw or write (or talk and have you scribe) something about life with Dad–things like that can be “language arts” in your mind but just something healing for them. I journaled off and on over the years, and found that helpful. They could make a “Dad’s favorite things” book with pictures and some writing about foods he liked, activities he liked, places he went, quotes that were important to him etc… Something that might be a keepsake that they could work on over time as they feel ready or as they want to. When I got older, I wrote poetry about times I remembered with my dad, and then one year I did a school project where I wrote to people who had known my dad and asked them to tell me about him–it was pretty amazing to get their letters.
My husband is disabled, and when we had some rough times, I would focus on minimum school–typically Bible, a read-aloud (we always had a book going at night–good snuggle on the couch time), some math, learning to read, and some handwriting. If we had time or energy for more, I might add on another language arts topic, or something for math or science. Keep it light and simple as needed. At their ages, baking cookies can be math (measuring) and reading (the recipe). Games can be math and reading (my kids used to beg me to play Monopoly, and I’d count it for math and reading). Nature walks, maybe drawing something in a journal or just enjoying time in the woods or in a creek, observing whatever you can, can be science and PE.
Be gentle with yourself and them. May God carry you through.
Thanks to all of you for thoughts and prayers - this is a hard road we are on and some days the boys just sit and don’t even want to play or read or do school. I am trying to add in some of your suggestions.
I just wanted to check and see how things are going? I’ve been thinking about you and your precious boys lately. I hope things are going somewhat ok. Please remember you have people that are thinking about you and praying for you!
Thank you for asking.
All is so very hard right now as I can not seem to reach our sons at times.
I am afraid that this is the MOST hard on our oldest son who is on peritoneal kidney dialysis.
Yesterday, he was transported to Rocky Mountain Hospital for Children by ambulance. His hematocrit is so very low that he most likely will have to have a blood transfusion today and his potassium is almost critically high. He has been struggling to be himself for almost 3 weeks and is so very lost inside himself that he can’t even remember getting angry.
Our younger son is struggling as well, but not so much in those ways. He just doesn’t want to do things or obey the family rules, traditions and governances. He has regressed, in many ways, to the toddler stage that he was when we adopted the boys.
Please continue to pray.
Thanks
@Merry - What wonderful ideas and encouragement you have given this mother and family. My father died when I was 7 - I wish some of these ideas had been presented to me/my mother at the time - I can see how wonderfully healing they would have been.
I want to thank you all for your ideas, thoughts and prayers.
Four months have passed and though the hurt is still palpable, the memories of family as 4 are returning.
We have come up with the concept that we are “still 4”, just one person is missing and we treat that memory with love and attention.
The visual that seems to have helped the boys the most is the military tradition of the “missing man table”. to which, when special events or the “sads” happen, the boys will set the fourth place or make the second cup of coffee and carry on, including Dad in the event and conversation. We are a veteran family - both of us served. We are also an emergency services family - Law Enforcement, EMS and Search and Rescue so these traditions have always been a part of the boys’ upbringing.
Learning is slowly returning - book learning is coming back into focus. Some things, like math, phonics, reading and penmanship, we have postponed till fall. Others, like history and science, we are finishing and adding hands-on to enjoy. This is the rich season at National Parks and Historic Sites - lots of living history and hands on science at Fort Laramie NHS -where I continue to work part time and the boys’ dad retired from 2 years ago.
I’m glad to hear things are getting better. I just couldn’t imagine. My husband and I are both paramedics and have been in EMS for over 13 years. Needless to say, death is nothing new to us but it’s different with people you “know”. I love the things that y’all have done to cope and it seems to be really helping. God bless you and your sweet boys. We will continue to pray for you.
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